Payphone
by StoneSabre
Summary: Journey into the mind of someone who has given all of his heart...and got nothing in return.


**-Payphone-**

They tell me it's bad for me. They tell me that it's the stimulus, the drug slowly leading me to my gruesome end, eating away at my flesh. At my heart. They try to cheer me up, tell me it'll be alright without. They want to help me get better. They tell me it's best just to forget, and I know they're right.

To forget. It's not easy trying to forget about life. It's strange, I don't really have much of a life at this point. That was stolen from me...sort of. I kind of threw it away, which is ironic because I wanted to preserve it. And when I wanted it back, to fix it, to make everything the way it used to be, I wasn't really given that chance, but I sure as hell tried anyway.

That's worth something I guess. I tried. I tried to fix what I broke. Maybe no one else saw it that way. It doesn't seem like anyone does. Everything that's broken can't really be fixed, not completely. You just have to learn how to move on. They're probably right about that too.

I guess I was just naive. But if that's what it took to get my shit together, is that really a bad thing? Sometimes it seems like inexperience, reaching for the unknown is the only way to truly live. That's how my life really started actually. It could also kill someone, but then again, anything can. Everyone dies in the end. Does life even matter? Does my life matter? My world? What's the point of holding onto it if nothing lasts forever? Everyone ends up in the void in the end. But beyond that...what next? What's waiting there for me? Nothingness? Another life? Another world that's just going to chew me up and spit me out like the last one? There's only one way to find out the answer.

When it was stolen from me, I fought for it. When I gave it away, I fought to take it back. And yet, I'm still like this. Lifeless, loveless, and alone. I'm tired of feeling like this. My whole lifeline, just waiting to bite me in the ass no matter what I do. Pain is all that I've ever felt. Just a carousel of broken hearts. Time to add another notch up to the vortex I guess. Don't feel for me. I assure you, your life is next. But is that supposed to matter to me? You made it clear. I used to think it I was fighting for something more, but in the end, I'm just a slave to my own obligations. It's not worth it anymore. I used to think that what I put in is what I would get in return, but I'll never get anything out of you. Not at this point. But you don't care right? I'm already dead, it won't make a difference in your life. Your life is already gone. Stolen from you, too. You made it as clear as day for me that it no longer mattered.

It no longer matters to me either. I tried, I tried to fix it, I tried to look to the future, and the future was denied to me, killed, another victim of an unfortunate past. A past of mistakes and heartache, and yet so glorious...when everything made sense, that is. When it was actually worth a damn. But it means nothing now.

Don't expect me to be fine with it. That's the last thing I expect from you, nor do I don't expect you to care. But that's irrelevant. There was nothing in your heart for me to have to begin with. There never was, and there never will be. I wasted so many nights, so many tears, and for what...just more tears to shed. It doesn't make sense anymore. Nothing makes sense in this world, and yet I'm bound to it. I've always felt the need to fight for happiness, love, freedom, and justice. It felt good, but it's easy to feel when everything is simple. And yet, they are just words. I can't touch words, I can't do anything for them. The truth is that I can't feel anymore, because the truth I cannot grasp. The pain and heartbreak has numbed me. Now I'm...paralyzed.

They say they want to save me, but they're too late. I'm already dead. My life is gone, no longer mine for me to live. For so long, I tried to deny it, tried to tell myself that there was still a chance, but then you turned out the lights. Nothing lasts forever, though. The sun has to set in paradise sometime, the paradise where we once called it love. If it were up to me, It would last forever, but I'm sure that's not the way you see it. Of course that's my fault. But is it really? Like I said, nothing last forever. But I wasn't even given the chance to fix it. To make it right. But it can't be fixed. Thats not what you wanted anyway. You say you want to move on. You have to, both of us. We have no choice but to, because we all have to eventually.

There's only one way I can move on from my life. The bridge has burned down, and the only way left for me is the fall. That's the only way left for both of us. It's time for us to let go. There's nothing left to stand on in this world. I'm ready to take that step. It's the only way forward for me. I know you'll join me soon.

I guess I will get what I want in the end. You and me in the face of the unknown. It'll be like old times. I may not know exactly where my next step will lead, or if it even matters, but the one thing I do know is that you'll be there. So I'll be seeing you soon.


End file.
